the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
