Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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