I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
