peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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