I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
