yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
