ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
