True but thats because hes a fetus.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
