im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
