i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
