my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
