dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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