i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
