I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
