the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
