So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
