Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
