We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
