ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
