I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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