So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
