In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
