Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
