What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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