i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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