I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
