Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
