How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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