Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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