dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
