I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need a beard to bite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
