your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
