He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
