Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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