You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
