i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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