my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
