he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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