I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
