Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
