i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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