you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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