I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
