shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
