Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
