Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
