This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
