I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
