And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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