Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I want a musical about memes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
