Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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